Footsteps
by Panic-at-the-chemical-romance8
Summary: Edward has had a hard past and is finally getting over it,But will he be able to come to terms with his sexuality?
1. Chapter 1

I can hear the footsteps behind me, smell the fresh pine and dew covered grass, the crisp morning air wiping at my face as I sprint over twigs and other obstacles in this terrain. I turn my head around only for a second, when I trip on a tree root and fall, I cringe at the sight of blood on my knee, and I've seen so much blood recently that it should no longer bother me. I quickly remember what's going on and get back up; wiping my face on my sleeve I'm sweeting so much. Things go black. I'm suddenly in a dark room. It smells like dirt, blood, and worms. My sides hurt and feel bruised. My head hurts and my eyelids heavy. I'm nodding off when out of the corner of my eye I see a shadow. My eyes open wide and I stare at the figure as it approaches me, I pant in anticipation. He stalks closer and closer, suddenly he stops and picks something up. The closer he comes to me the more I wish he would have just killed me then and there when we first encountered. I can't handle the suspense, "Come over here and kill me already! Please just get this over with!" I yell furious; But the moment those words leave my mouth I wish I could take it back, because before I know it he's charging at me, the knife in his hand glaring at me.

I start screaming, when, someone starts shaking me,

"Wake up! Edward it's just a dream!"

I open my eyes, I'm outside of my room shaking and my face is wet. Looking up my sister Rose is standing over me now, looking worried as usual. Shaking my head I look down feeling ashamed and utterly embarrassed

"Another dream?" She sighs," Yeah, another dream".

Rose reaches out her hand and grabs mine, pulling me to my feet and leading me down the hall to the kitchen. I sit down on one of the stools that belong to the island in the middle of the kitchen.

"Edward, don't look embarrassed, it's not like this is the first time this has happened and it's not your fault, nothing to be ashamed of!"

She bends over and kissed my cheek. Man my eyes must have given my embarrassment away. I know this has happened a million times before, but I can't help but feel embarrassed! I feel like I'm crazy. She must have seen that in my eyes as well because the next thing I know she's pulling me into her arms. I just start sobbing at this point. I wish I could be normal like her, we've only had each other most of our lives; I can always count on her. A while after my "Incident", I decided to try and go back to bed, God I hate dreams.

Opening my eyes I'm relieved that I didn't have another dream. I get out of bed and into the shower. God I hate my body, I have scares going down my sides, I'm 21 now and I just need to get over it. I shudder, that's the speech I always give myself. I'm not that same 10 years old. I washed my hair and my body and wrap a towel around my waist.

"I'm so ugly", I whisper to myself," ", I'll never have a wife; I'll never have kids, Forever Alone."

My eyes go wide when Rose walks in unexpectedly.

"Rose! I could have been naked!" that bitch has the nerve to laugh at me even though I'm

pretty sure I started laughing first.

"Don't get your towel in a bunch!" She said still laughing at me

"I was just making sure you were ok." I looked at her confused,

"You had a bad dream last night Hello?"

"I almost forgot, thanks for the reminder" I said sharply, running my fingers through my wet hair.

"Look," she said rolling her eyes, "I'm going to the store; don't burn the house down while I'm gone ok?"

I smiled at her and nodded my head. When she left I got dressed and went down stairs go fix a little something to eat. Don't get me wrong, I can cook, I'm actually really good at cooking, but I don't cook for just anyone, only on special occasions. Most of the time my energetic sister takes care of that. But I'm fucking hungry so I make myself some pancakes.

Yawning, I think out loud," Damn I need some coffee!"

I whip out my phone and shoot Rose a text letting her know I won't be home when she gets back, wouldn't want to worry her too much. I get in my car and turn on the radio. When I pull into my favorite coffee place I look around, Wow there's a lot of people here today. I walk in and wait in line, which is quite long today if I do say so myself. When I get to the front of the line I order a medium white chocolate mocha. I look for a seat but sadly there aren't any. So I start walking to the door, aiming to drink my delicious coffee at home. But next thing I know, I'm on the ground cold coffee all over my shirt! I look up ready to yell at the son of a bitch who was stupid enough to run into me. My eyes go wide and I burst out laughing

"Alexis!" I smile and get up. She looks utterly mortified.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry babe I didn't see you I didn't know it was you I …"

She starts to trail off and get babbly so I kiss her. "Alexis your fine," I assure her. It's just a shirt.

She finally stops freaking out and sits down in a newly open spot, I hand her my coffee and she blushes. That's my girlfriend for you, complete cults! We talk for an hour or so about school, our friends, random things that don't mean much.

When I get home it smells like grilled cheese, Rose always makes good grilled cheese.

"Hey there sis", I say grabbing an apple that was sitting in a bowl behind her.

"Edward! You're going to ruin your appetite!"

I smirk, "and miss your grilled cheese? Don't be crazy"

sitting down on the stool I sat in last night I smile at her.

"Why are you so smiley?" She laughs.

I honestly don't know why I am so happy.

"What I can't just be ecstatic to see my loving sister?" she opens her mouth to say something but then just gives up and shrugs, "Yeah I guess I can have that effect on people." She says seriously and then winks.

I realize I'm still smiling like an idiot so I quit it.

"So what took so long at the coffee place?" she asked wail buttering both sides of a piece of bread.

"I ran into Alexis. Literally."

She bursts out laughing at my shirt. "Wow how did I miss that huge coffee stain?" she pokes around at my shirt.

"So anyways, we sat down and talked, sorry I took so long."

"Don't be sorry Baby boy; I'm happy that you have someone."

She throws the bread onto the pan with a square of cheese.

I really admire my sister, she might not have the most glamorous life, but she acts if though she's living the dream, which is something I find amazing.

"Earth to Eddie?"

did I just tune out on her? "Hmm" I said nonchalantly.

"You didn't hear a single word I said" she said wail shaking her head jokingly.

"Sorry I was just thinking" I shrugged.

"I could tell" She said giggling, "Anyways, I said what are your plans for later?"

I shrugged again, and took one of the grilled chesses. Maybe I'll see Alexis later, I bit my bottom lip, we have been going out for almost ten months and we haven't done anything more then make out, It's not her that won't budge it's me. I just don't feel the need to go any further. She is the third girl I've been in a relationship with that lasted over two months, I don't know what's wrong with me, All of my friends have, 'been there done that', if you know what I mean. And I just haven't wanted to.

"Oh my god!" I flinched and looked at Rose. "Get you head out of the clouds for God's sake!"

"Sorry!" I laughed out, putting my plate in the sink and walking out the door.

Next thing I know, I'm at Alexis's house. I knock on the door and she opens, her face beaming with excitement over me just dropping by.

"Hey Alexis" I say pulling her into a hug.

"Hello" She meekly whispers and kisses me quickly before letting me in.

"Sorry for just dropping by, I hope you don't mind" I say, sitting down on the loveseat across from the TV.

"You know you are welcome here whenever baby." Smiling she comes over to me and plops down on my lap blushing.

I kiss her head and she nuzzles her face into my neck. "I love you Edward" she said smiling into my eyes.

"I love you too" And I do

Alexis is quite a bit shorter then my 6'2, maybe she's 5'5; she has Medium length light brown hair and pretty hazel eyes. She's quite a sight, but not only is she beautiful, she's kind, caring, smart, and loving.

"What do you want to do baby?" she whispered in my ear, biting my lobe and pulling if back with her teeth.

"Umm I'm not sure, what do you want to do?" I looked into her pleading eyes, she's disappointed? Did I do something? "Babe what's wrong?"

"What would you say if I told you I wanted to spend the whole day just me and you in my room?" Her expression hasn't changed.

I run my fingers through my hair and sigh. "I'd say it's a beautiful day out and we shouldn't waste it all locked up."

Tears were in her eyes as she got up out of my lap. Fuck.

"What's wrong?" I grab her hand but she pulls away.

"You don't want to be with me do you?" she says out of the blue.

"What? Of course I do"

"Then…..then your … cheating on me..." she stuttered, her bottom lip quivering. What is she talking about?!

"I'm not cheating!" I yelled

"Then why don't you want me?" she spat right out.

"I do! I love you!"

"No I mean "Want" me; you never try and pull anything with me! And I want you to! I feel rejected when I'm practically throwing myself at you and it doesn't turn you on in the least!"

I sat there stunned.

"It's not that I don't want you, It's just I'm waiting until I'm married." She looked at me like I was some kind of alien.

"I think we should take a break" she mumbled.

"W….what?" I said on the verge of tears. "All because I don't want to sleep with you?" she continued to look at the floor tears going down her face.

"You don't want to sleep with me and that's a problem."

"How?" I asked in disbelief

"Because even if we did get married. I don't think you would want to….. "

I looked at her with wide eyes. "What are you saying?"

She was silent.

"Well?" I spat at her furious.

"Do you think you might …? Do you think you might be gay..?"

I sat there shocked.

I stomped out of there, slamming the door on my way out. But as soon as I did that I had my now ex-girlfriend chasing after me.

"Wait stop!" she yelled, grabbing my arm. "I didn't say you were gay… I was just asking. I think it's strange that you don't want anything physical"

I looked her in the eye realizing she didn't mean any harm in what she had said. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair

"I'm sorry... I'm acting like a douche."

She pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheek.

"Honey, I love you, but I think we do need some time apart."

I sighed and looked down. "Yeah I think your right" I confessed. Giving her a half smile, "Can we try just being friends for now though?" I said halfheartedly.

"Of course" she smiled, "I've got to go, talk to you later?" she said

I nodded and walked to me car. She really thinks I'm gay? Ha that's bullshit I'm not gay.

I start to drive home when I see Alice's car parked in my driveway. Great. Just great. I walk in and put my keys down when a little fairy looking girl hugs me, yes that would be Alice.

"Hey Al" I say hugging her back.

"Edward! I haven't seen you in ages!" she shouted

. Alice is a 4'5 tall pixie with short (at the moment) reddish brown hair and dazzling eyes. She's quite stunning.

"It's been a week honey" I said laughing at her ridiculousness.

"Still! I missed you!"

Realizing she's still hugging me I blush.

"I should stop hugging you like that, your girlfriend will have my head" she snickered.

"What girlfriend?" I say casually.

"Ale…Oh honey! When did you guys split?!"

"About an hour ago actually." I answer not changing the tone of my voice.

"Oh my god! What happened? Who ended it? Can I tell Rose?"

I laughed, even in this situation she still is the center of gossip.

"Can I ask you something?"

She nodded her head

"Do you think… Never mind…" I chickened out.

"No no no! Mr.! You need to tell me now!"

I grunted and looked down. "She thinks I'm gay" I blurted out.

She laughed. Her. Ass. Off. Great…"What's so funny?"

She kept laughing. "What? Is that why she broke up with you?"

I rolled my eyes "Yes" Apparently that's hilarious. "I cant talk to you about things can i?" She quickly tried to compose herself for my sake

"Honey, are you gay?"

I looked at her like she grew fifteen other heads when she asked me that. Of course I'm not! "No" I simply stated.

She squinted he eyes at me and looked me up and down. "Hmm" she said continuing to stare me down. "We've never talked about our sex lives have we?" Her question was not expected I have to admit.

"Umm I don't think so." I said awkwardly.

She smiled, grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs to my room and closed to door. "Ok, Chris, How many girlfriends have you had?"

I thought for a second "Like serious relationships?"

She rolled her eyes at me "Like how many girls have you slept with?"

I gulped and looked at her nervously and shrugged. "I ... I don't know"

Squinting her eyes at me again she threw her hands up in the air. "OMG! "She yelled. "You're a virgin!" I scrunched my face up and looked down. "Don't worry! Its ok! I'm just shocked" I felt so embarrassed I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. "Have you ever gotten fully hard from a girl?" she asked.

I felt my cheeks warm up. "Um … ha-ha… of course" I'm really bad at lying.

"You're lying!" She's getting on my nerves.

"What about guys?" I'm blushing even harder.

"I don't know. I don't think there hot. If that's what you're asking."

She smiles really big and it kind of scared me. "Hold on one sec!" she said running out of the room full speed. I sighed, I am not gay. I know that. And guys don't turn me on nor will they ever. A few seconds later Alice was back with her laptop looking something up.

"What are you doing?" She smirked and put the computer in front of me. Oh my god. She wants me to watch gay porn.

"What the fuck!?" I yelled pushing the laptop away from me.

"Listen Edward! Just watch a few seconds of it!"

I sighed, I know Alice. She won't let this go until I do what she wants. "Fine" I said and sat down.

"Yay!" she yelled and clicked the clip.

There were two men, one sitting on a bed and another standing near the bed taking his shit off. They were good looking guys. Probably about 30, one had sandy blonde hair the other had black hair tied back into a ponytail. The black haired man finally got onto the bed and started kissing the other man. He slowly took the blonde haired man's shirt off. He kissed and licked all over his chest and then he started to unbuckle his pants. I looked over at Alice who was getting into this. When I looked back the black haired man had gotten the other mans pants off and was not palming him through his sexy black spandex boxers.

My cock just twitched.

Did I just refer to a guy as sexy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! I was really surprised I actually got views! Thanks J I hope you like the next chapter!**

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I looked down, trying not to watch. Alice must have seen that I was uncomfortable because she turned the video. Even though I wasn't watching the moans and groans coming from my laptop were going straight to my dick.

"So what did you think?" she said, putting the laptop down off the bed

"I um… thought it was gross" Could I have stuttered more? That was very unconvincing

"You my friend are lying; I could tell that you liked it" she said with a smirk

"I'm not gay" I said. Fixing my eyes in the floor

She put her hand on my shoulder, giving it a little squeeze "Honey, You don't like girls thought" She said, giving me a sad smile

I sighed and looked her in the eyes and whispered so quite I don't even know how she herd me, "I wish I did"

"Aw come here" she said pulling me into a hug and kissing my head

I'm not sure how much time pasted but after a while we got up and walked down stairs, I guess my sister got home from whatever she was doing because as soon as she saw the red rings around my eyes from crying I was pulled into yet another hug

"Oh my god what happened! Are you ok? Did you have another dream? You did I can tell! Its ok Edward its ok…" she kept rambling on, I'm not too sure what she was going on about but I pulled away and looked her in the eyes

"I'm fine" I said giving her a fake smile

"No, you're not" she said in a challenging voice , she looked over at Alice, giving her an evil eye. "What did you do?" she said coldly

"Me!? I didn't do shit! Why do you think I did something?" she looked hurt

"Rose turn your mamma bear meatier down a notch and cool it, Alice didn't do anything… she just thinks I'm gay" I said mumbling the last part

"I'm going out. Wouldn't want to hurt your brother Rose." Alice said flatly

Rose sighed, "You should get some sleep you look dead" she said softly. I turned to go to my room when she stopped me. "Halt" she commanded. I rolled my eyes and turned around bowing, "Yes your majesty" She wasn't amused.

"what happened?" she motioned her hands to come to her

"Alexis broke up with me" I said nonchalantly, I don't want to tell her why. I WONT tell her why.

"Eddy! Why didn't you tell me sooner! That's terrible! Are you ok?" Ramble, ramble, and ramble

"I'm ok! Don't worry about me" I said hugging her

"I know how much you loved her, but you'll move on don't worry" She said pulling back

I sighed and walked into my room. I'm not gay. I can't be. I'm not. I like boobs, pussy, and soft skin. Not Dick, abs, and hard muscles. I'm not a fag.

I pick up my keys and phone and head out the door

Ring, Ring, Ring. Come on Alice pick up

"Hello?"

"Hey Alice where are you?"

"I'm at a bar, it's on 4mile and beck if you want to join" she's sad, it'd my fault

"Ok, I'll be there soon" I hang up and head in that direction

. . . . .

I walk in to the bar and spot Alice sitting by herself. "hey Alice" I whisper in her ear and sit down next to her

"Hey" she says then sighs

"Rose is really sorry for being a bitch" I say, putting my and on top of hers

"I know she is, I just wanted some time by myself"

"I should go then" I say softly and get up

"Waite!" She said grabbing my arm. "Stay… please?"

I smile warmly and nod my head, "so are you coming to terms with your gayness?" she said with a smile

"I'm not nor will I EVER be gay. Get that in your head" I practically scream

"Sorry honey I…" I cut her off

"I'm actually going to hook up with someone tonight" I say proudly

"Oh really?" she says laughing, tears in her eyes

"Yes. Really" I said seriously

"You're a virgin. You're not fucking a random skank you moron" she said back in the same tone

"I will do what I please" my voice staying flat

"I'll hookup with you." She blankly said, grabbing my hand

My eyes go wide. "What?" I yell

"You can fuck me, come on, let's go home and do it" she said with a smirk

She's playing with me. Seeing if I'll really do it. "Ok" I say back nervously

Walking into the house and heading in my room she grabs my hand and pulls me to my bed smiling. She puts her hands on my shoulders and kisses me

I felt nothing

But I kiss back; she pulls me on to the bed. I deicide to kiss down her neck and lick up her cheek back to her mouth. She seemed to like that. She put her hands under my shirt and pulled it off. Her touch felt friendly not sexual. Thinking about it, Alexis's touch felt the same as Alice's.

I gasp, Alice put her hand in my boxers, still kissing my neck. She stops and looks at me then gets up

"What are you doing?" I ask confused

She giggled and squinted her eyes at me, "Edward, You're not hard. At all."

I blushed and looked down totally embarrassed

"Look, If I can't turn you on, and your ex couldn't turn you on, Maybe it's a sign…"

I cover my face with my hands, "Stop please just go" I say with a sigh

"Edward I was just trying to get you to see that you don't want a girl" she said walking out of my room

I was on the verge of tears when there was a knock at my door

"can I come in?" it was Rose

"No" I said coldly

The door opened and Rose stepped in, "Edward, are you ok?" she said softly

"I'm fine, now go"

She walked towards me and put a hand on my shoulder "Its Alexis's loss you know"

"Thanks for reminding me about her" I said flatly

She quirked her eye brows are looked at me confused, " What's got you down?"

"Alice" I said looking down

"What did she do?" Rose pulled me into a hug

I didn't say anything

"Edward?" she said pleadingly

I grunted, "she thinks I'm gay" tears coming back to my eyes

"are you?"

I shot right up and looked at her like she was crazy "NO!"

She rolled her eyes at me, "Eddy, Your still a virgin. Most guys loos there V card when there like 15. You've never wanted a girl like that"

I looked at the clock near my bed, "Shit, I have to go" I whispered under my breath

"Dr. Jessica's?" she said

"Yup" I answered, flying out the door

This is sure going to be fun.

. . . . .

I walk into the waiting room and see Jane at the fount desk," Hey Jane" I said smiling

"Hello Edward" She said with a soft smile painted on her lips, "How are you?"

"I'm doing alright, you?" I ask, waiting for Jessica to come out

"I'm good, thank you for asking" she said, getting back to her work

"Edward" Jessica said, hinting me to go with her

"Hey doc" I said unenthusiastically

"How has your week been?" she's getting right to the point

"It's been stressful…" I said consciously

"How so?" she asked in her professional voice

"My girlfriend broke up with me" I said, not sounding sad about it

"and why did she do that?"

"Because" I said quietly

"You don't want to talk about it?" she said wail writing something down

"I'd rather just leave" I said in a hushed tone

"Your free to go Edward, I can already tell you're not going to tell me anything today"

I smiled and walked out of her office, i yell when I turn the corner and hit my head on something, falling to the ground I rub the new bump I have

"Hey! Watch where your going!" I yell looking at the man that was sitting on the floor rubbing his head

"Sorry" he said looking up at me

Oh. My. God.

He looks like a fucking angle

He reached out his rand to help me up. I thought I was going to burst my pants right there and then. He's so hot.

He was looking at me the same way I was looking at him. Fuck.

"S…sorry I ran into you" I said, looking into his beautiful blue eyes

"It's ok, really" he said softly, "My names Jasper" he almost whispered

"I'm Edward" I said, almost blushing

That's when it hit me… I am gay

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**I'm not really liking this story you guys :P so I might not update it for a wile… unless you really want me to lol **

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